Amusement

[mumsisdaughter]

Having read some amusing stuff on my friends' LJs recently, I thought it must be my turn to raise a smile--difficult to do considering the lack of healthy sunshine (sorry to all vampires out there) since April, but here goes. I cannot take credit for this. I don't know where it originated from.

Amazingly Easy Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. Late for work? A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: 

Everyone seems normal, until you get to know them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!

And last but not least: 
One good turn usually gets all the blankets.




Feel free to pass it on and add more Amazingly Easy Home Remedies to the list.